Washington, D.C. — U.S. President Donald Trump has finally opened up about his recent health scare, blaming none other than South African President Cyril Ramaphosa for his condition.
In a press briefing held at The White House on Thursday evening, Trump dramatically declared, “I haven’t been well since that South African chap came to the White House. I think he brought something. Maybe it was in his handshake. It was a very strong, suspiciously strong handshake. Almost like a trap.”
This comes just days after Trump’s medical team announced he had been diagnosed with chronic venous insufficiency — a condition affecting blood flow in the legs, and apparently, presidential pride.
“Before Ramaphosa arrived, my legs were perfect. Absolutely beautiful legs. Tremendous. Some even said they were the best presidential legs since Kennedy,” Trump said, slapping his thigh for emphasis. “But after he left? Boom. Swelling. Discoloration. .